Many of the things we hold on to have no basis in the present moment.
Right this very moment you are present. What is real at this exact moment- where are you physically? Who are you with? What are you doing? In actuality that is all there is. So many of the emotions we dislike experiencing- fear, shame, doubt, sadness, anxiety, disappointment, anger, abandonment, exist in a moment or scenario that has passed. Those experiences have no right in your now. It is natural to replay them because somehow they have affected you deeply enough that they exist in your mind. We need to learn to stop there. Replay if you must, but do not relive. It has no basis in the present moment- do not allow it take you in. It happened and it has passed. You are here now. Your here is certainly not your past nor is it your forever.
You could argue then, that all of the wonderful things you have experienced don’t matter now either. Au contraire! You need to live these things to be human. We crave intimacy and attachment, touch and assurance. A few nights ago, while discussing relationship dynamics, my uncle asked if I’ve ever tried arguing holding hands with someone. THINK about this. Whatever anger you have toward a person is a result of a “something” that has happened, your anger is your reaction to it. Try holding that person’s hand- that is what is real now. Could you feel the same kind of anger while doing so? Would you be able to scream and yell as rashly as you would have before? Never. Not a fat chance. Now you might say “Why in the hell would I even want to go near that person, let alone hold his/her hand?”. Fair enough, but that is why we are talking about this at all- do you prefer to live the argument or the reconciliation? Nine times out of ten, it’s the make up we want. Every now and then it feels more important to prove a point-go throw yourself a party. There is no winning or losing, only the feelings you have as a result. Which would you choose?
Do not hold on if it doesn’t help move you forward, to come to your life as you want it. It has no basis.
Let it live in the past, where it belongs.