story time

Ladies and gentlemen…it’s time 😉 I’ve avoided the topic for long enough…and my followers seem to like when I go there. I have tried for as long as possible to stay far away from the topic of dating, love and relationships-outright anyway. Fine, maybe I hint at it here and there but for the most part I’ve let it be. But now-I gotta tell ya, my collection of things to say is beyond containment. I literally couldn’t wait to sit down this morning to write because I was bursting with the hysterical thoughts I’ve had about what to share first.

The last eighteen months of my life have been a tremendous rollercoaster-when I say the good, the bad and the ugly-I mean it. I was a very lucky girl for a long time in a healthy, happy relationship. But sometimes things start to unravel-without any real point of recognition or any overt action by either person. I will always love him and have not a single bad thing to say, so I’m even luckier for that. For whatever reason in life sometimes you outgrow one another or your circumstances and as hard as it is, you’ll be okay..it may just take a while. So I have two choices. If here I am back “out” there and all of this madness goes on and I’m living it-why not chalk it up to life experiences. Sure I’ve been let down and even now wonder what the hell can go wrong next sometimes, I have to laugh about it. Because I’m not a bitter person, because nobody likes a complainer and because as a natural born story teller GOD this stuff makes for a great story.

Ever heard the Fox 5 spot theme “Shame, Shame, Shame”? Come on- you know it. Go ahead, I’ll wait for you to sing it to yourself a few times. That’s what I hear in my brain when I’m out most times. Like I wanna bust people for wrongdoings ha! Chances are they’d throw their hand up over the camera because the truth is when your misbehaving you’re probably not at all into being called out. Just saying.
So the men don’t feel like I’m berating them, I’ll start with my own kind. That’s right ladies we have some serious things to talk about…’cause some of you are making us all look like a hot mess. I don’t have big ears but I hear a lot of things and some of it is downright insane. Like really sweetie you think what when you say that to men? That if you amp up your provocative nature you’ll be taken more seriously? I’ll tell you where you’ll be taken-back to his place. Good job princess. Now what? When that’s all your good for… Don’t get me wrong, I am no prude. Not even a little bit. Jesus, there’s just a way to go about it, and that my friend- is not it. Wanna know how I can say I know that- because the men that take you home, tell me it.
Plus I love you, I appreciate what it is to be a young woman around these parts and when the pickings are as slim as they are and you see some semblence of decency in a guy- you’re probably willing to do just about anything to get him interested. Here’s a little newsflash I promise holds some weight- “Be more concerned with being interested than being interesting”. Own your power as a female, be sexy-but for the love of god tone it down a notch. Yes I give you permission to teach these dudes a lesson of their own every now and then,do something just because you feel like it  or don’t call him back because he doesn’t deserve it. He’ll survive. Probably will want you more- the poor fool. I’m starting to think I should start a support group-like leave my card randomly at the bars and at the gym, so we can help eachother out- tough love style.
Ahhhh- the male species. I have grown a real appreciation for getting to know them. How they work, how they think or don’t think for that matter. What makes them tick, what they see when they look at us, what they want and god it’s good stuff. It’s unbelievable actually how very simple they are, the ones that aren’t playing games. And guess what-if they are, it’s because they are a hot mess. Like hey guy- can you hurry up and get your shit together so someone can date your ass. You might become a better man because of an incredible woman. I affectionately refer to some of them as manboys ❤ because bless their hearts, their trying. 

Between my friends and I we have literally been fed some of the most incredible stories about why they aren’t ready to get serious. Like hold your horses pal, I didn’t ask for a ring. I’d just like to be legitimate. “I’m sorry but I’m emotionally unavailable.” “I‘m pretty screwed up from my last relationship.” “I’m not in the right place in my life.” Great! I’m pretty sure now that we are all adults, we all have a past.  Who was your ex girlfriend- Satan? I mean what did she do, drive over you with a Range Rover?  Oh wait that’s right, I didn’t even ask about her. I was interested in you, as in you and me. I live in the present. They are our exes for a reason-it didn’t work out.  If you’re one of those who aren’t in the right place in your life, would you mind sharing when and where you think the right place is? Does someone hold up a sign when you get there? When you meet a kick ass girl, she might just be willing to help you sort it all out, come along for the ride.

They don’t like complicated. FYI- things only get complicated when people aren’t saying and doing what they mean. Yes, sometimes you drive us up a wall…and we drive you to drink. Fair enough. And what’s all this hooplah about the pathetic way we are forced to communicate..via text. Hey let’s play this game-you write to me and I respond and then I hear from you tomorrow.My friend recently diagnosed me as an “instant responder”. I was told I’m supposed to leave some room for suspense, make the guy wait it out a while. True story, but then he suggests that a few hour window would work best. Are you god dam serious? Lol If we have to put acceptable timeframes on when I can and cannot respond to a text message I may just throw this thing out the window. Do me a favor, if you don’t want me to instantly respond, send me a telegram.  😉

I could go on for days-this is too much fun. But maybe I’ll keep the rest in my pocket for another entry. Whatever your sex, promise to spare us the drama- don’t be an ATNA (all talk no action).People will be forced to talk about you at story time.
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