carry



It’s no secret I’m a sap. I am a nurturer by nature. I bleed for the people I love. It may be a learned behavior…coming from the world’s most warm and fuzzy woman. I heard it in school over and over how to separate yourself from your clients, how to detach yourself and remove the impact that loving and supporting people on a daily basis could result in. How supporting and encouraging their own self efficacy could truly begin to matter to me, a perfect stranger at the start. Fat chance. It just, to some level, isn’t possible. I connect readily and I can’t apologize for it. I sacrifice the fact that I could be taking on more than I need to. I just don’t think it happens often enough. That genuine piece. The part where I actually do care about what you have to say, even if it’s about the most menial thing. It is incredible the difference it makes to be looked right in the eye and validated.


I just know we are all so busy running around, zipping through life not making the same kind of meaningful interactions that we used to, that we are entirely capable of. I carry things with me. In a sense I feel like I carry those people too. The little pieces, little pictures in my head and my heart, things that they may never know were even noticeable. Words they used, expressions they made, colors they wore. The sound of their voice. Frozen in time.


It makes me feel so incredibly human. I’m more alive than I’ve ever been. I think it truly is because I’ve connected with more people in the last year than ever before in my life combined. I’ve been led to experiences I never could have imagined. People I never would have met. Or better yet, ones I never would have crossed paths with again. I carry little bits of their stories with me, as a part of me now. I trusted my gut to take greater risks, more adventures and chances than I’d never been brave enough to comprehend. You spend a large part of your childhood thinking about who you’re going to be, what you’re going to do, where you’re going to go. You aren’t capable of understanding that you already are. That much of what you’ll end up telling of your story began earlier than you can relate to in a realistic sense. That you come into yourself through the experiences you live, all the while with other people surrounding you. How each and every one of them will mold you in some way. Influenced infinitely. 


Be genuine with people. Say what you mean. Look them in the eye. This isn’t some rehearsal, this is all the real thing…all the time. My intention isn’t to be melodramatic but rather to explain how much others carry around with them- so please be careful not to burden them with more if it isn’t necessary. 


This makes me think about how low my tolerance is for cruelty. I’d like to take all the jerks I’ve ever met, the liars, the braggarts, the bullies, the manipulative kinds and put them all in a room together…to have at it. To suffer in their own existence, mind blowing each other with bullshit, for an indefinite amount of time. If you can’t be nice take a friggin hike. I’m not kidding. Don’t you dare walk around this planet one more second with a chip on your shoulder and those mean bones in your body. Poking at other people. Figure out what your pain is, why you decided to mistreat and mislead others along the way and deal with it. QUICK. I’m sorry you haven’t had the incredible fortune to connect. To feel what it’s like to be real, to be honest, to be open and to be loved. Wholly. Accepted. Let someone in. They might be able to help you carry your share.


Carry beautiful things. Carry songs and tunes in your head, strong cards in your back pocket for when you need them. Carry lessons. Use them when need be. Carry hard stuff. Help people through their toughest, lowest moments by sharing in that pain, as uncomfortable as it might come to be. Be in the moment of that shared human existence with them no matter how dim the light gets. It will return, as will you-stronger than before. Richer too.


Let someone carry you. That’s right Lisa, note to self. Every now and then, let it go. Let someone else. Take off the cape. Let down the guard. Allow the help, the relief, the love. Give it over. Let it out. Be there. Soak it the hell in. You can’t do it all by yourself. It just would be too much. Feel what it’s like to watch another fill with pride. Trust them to do the right thing by you. 


Don’t worry about your plate. When there is too much, you’ll know. When things topple over, inadvertently become forgotten or lost in the shuffle you’ll know you’re carrying too much. Refine what you take with you. Make decisions about what it costs you, what it’s value is. Who put it there. Do you want to?

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;

-e.e. cummings



Thank you for being in my life. Whether or not you know this, I carry it as a part of me now. In little ways, in little moments, in my world. I will carry whatever you need me to if you are brave enough to ask. I promise, if it gets too heavy..I will stop and put it down. So I can hold you.

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