The trouble with the lost is they aren’t sure just where to go. Sometimes they hide. Sadly afraid of their own shadows. Believing perhaps that by shutting out the world they can find some answer they seek. There is a very real difference between choosing to isolate oneself or finding sanctuary in solitude. Truly sitting in awareness. There are those who leave. Going so they can make sense of themselves. It’s easy to find beauty in escape. The thrill of never truly planting one’s feet. Here’s a little tidbit; it’s even more incredible when you’re found enough to bring the beauty with you. Carried in your heart.
I haven’t held much back from you my loyal, precious readers. I am afraid I don’t find much sense in keeping things a secret that might touch someone else. If what I have to say can resonate for any of you, then I’m living my dream. To tell. Like most of you-I had lived some ups and downs. Battled through some pretty tough circumstances and come out the other side. I am grateful. My character is deepened for it. I have a beautifully bumpy story to tell. A long luscious string of good and bad, poignant, meaningful, disappointing, precious events that make up my years. I am not afraid of them. The good stuff are the highlights. The rest of it, the ordinary..that’s where the real work comes in. The finding the beauty. It’s easier to let it pass without real recognition. To shrug your shoulders, no big deal. For me it is..almost all of it.
I left a wonderful job last month after three very eye opening years. Sometimes we have to live through times to know the difference between what we want and what we don’t. What fits and what doesn’t anymore and why. To listen to that voice. I have found that my body is a good vessel, telling me when my heart, my gut and mind are not at ease. Typically, when one has checked out-it is time to move on. As scary and unknown as the next part is, it is only my body’s way of telling my mind to trust that strong instinct right inside my belly in between.
This morning I found myself crying hard through a run. But I’m happy? I have a sense of calm and peace that I haven’t had in a long time. I have found clarity and connected strongly with the world around me, what I’m capable of and how I’ve started creating my path from here. In my prayer and setting intentions for the universe to hear I have been sent these beautiful people who fit into the puzzle of my life. People I can learn from. Whom I deeply trust and respect and have much of my own to share with. Who believe in me. They have found me in one way or another. This is certainly not coincidence. Since I’ve never had a child I can’t say I know what it’s like to be pregnant. But this morning that’s very much the feeling I experienced. That I am filled with this amazing tenderness, this love for something inside of me, that I’m preparing to “give a birth” to this incredible something. I am blessed and I am sharing it everyday because it feels right to do so. To give little pieces of this bliss to other people. The ones who may be a bit lost, off the course to their calling.
Sometimes in loss people do unintentional things. They mean not to hurt those around them. The maps get confusing, there aren’t clear markers on the road. They wander a bit. Some don’t like to ask for directions. That would mean needing help. Help means admitting uncertainty. Uncertainty unveils vulnerability. And some people just aren’t okay with it. They haven’t yet opened their hearts to it. Maybe they get angry. Anger is a funny looking mask for pain. Pain exists on many levels for people. Some are stronger than others by virtue of existence. Some have little tolerance. Their lack of patience alludes to their unhappiness somewhere. Forgive them anyway. For they will someday know they are sorry. You may hear of it or you may not. Only you can decide then, how much it matters anymore.
In loss we find. It is of course a choice. Our losses shake the very ground we once stood on. One we thought seemed pretty secure and then just one day, it was no more. Because someone took it, because it fell away, because someone left with or without choice, or plainly because life changes. If you choose to find, there are all kinds of things the world can bring you. Make no mistake you must also bring the world some things. Using your confusion, your angst, your fear for some good. Bring your trust. Trust those people that are planted square in your life, smack in front of your face. Trust takes courage. Courage replaces the fear. The fear from the anxiety that causes the angst that was born of your confusion. The confusion that comes from being lost.
Let someone find you. That is of course if you let yourself out of the dark. Out from behind the curtain. Don’t be so skeptical. Listen to that strong instinct strong inside your belly. It won’t misguide you. Some may come with flashlights looking. Reach out and extend a hand. Or maybe they do nothing more than look at you. From really deep inside and you know you’re gonna be okay.
Go there. Get found.