inspire

all

“Their yesterdays met mine, our nows were bound-I pray that our tomorrows together will be found” 

On the eve of the beginning of my 28th year I am asked what it is that I want, and well I don’t see it as much. In thinking of this year past I am compelled, as feels natural, to look back at my experiences and relationships in gratitude. The value they have afforded with their presence and lasting lessons are so much a part of my life’s story.

These “wants” of mine, they actually translate from my heart and mind in the form of wishes, intentions and prayers.

I pray that my sister Christine and future brother in law Alex are blessed with a life long happiness beyond their comprehension because it is what they so deserve. That aside from the intricate, beautiful, special details that accent their day they understand how perfectly chosen they are for one another, as partners for life. I ask that my mother Nancy and stepfather John are blessed with another healthy year of marriage, that they know the love, warmth and generosity they have always shown is appreciated everyday and that it be returned to them tenfold. That my gram continue to be the foundation of our family with her endless energy, selflessness and genuine good will. That she ache a little less often and continue to show the love and support she yearns to for everyone she knows. I wish for my Aunt Donna and Uncle Joe to be blessed with continued success and happiness in their lives for all they are so deserved of.  Through the years their own sacrifices and gestures of love, hospitality and kindness have always meant so much. I pray for my aunt Marianne that she know the size of her heart is immeasurable and her laughter, care and concern have found a permanent place in mine. I wish for my cousin Lori and her family to be blessed with abundance-of spirit, of peace, of gratitude and of the value of one another. She has believed so lovingly in me as I do her and have as a forever friend. That my brother Joe understand all that he means to me-the blessing and pain in the ass alike. The passion, fire and resiliency he embodies along with the sensitive, caring nature beneath. May his success be as bountiful as his spirit and the respect he has earned by countless colleagues, friends and family. I pray for the newest member of our family, that she come to know there is nowhere else she could be born where she be more loved-that the person she’s growing inside be a more incredible woman-inside and out. If ever a person to create and give you life, it be Dawn.

I want Leanne, Jen and Amanda to know how greatly I admire them, their individual paths as women, professionals and soul sisters to me. The roads they’ve taken, the challenges they’ve faced and the beauty and grace they’ve always maintained. How incredibly important they are in my life and the woman I strive to be every single day. I pray for John & Rebecca and baby Wool. That for all he’s given the world in laughter and support she receive in coming to know her parents, their grand personalities and giving hearts. I pray for Christina and Matt-that their union be as strong as their incredible natures, that they continue following their authentic callings to create the future of their dreams. That they know the gift and honor they gave me in marrying them. For Wowkie, a kindred soul-my bright eyed beauty in her new big city, that she know the magic she sows with her words, her smile and her heart. That she believes in her “on the verge” and keeps her wheels up. For Tommy’s wild heart, travels and passion to teach the world how much adventure lies in life for those willing to take the risk and go. For believing enough in myself to try. That his business know success and he remain grounded and grateful. I pray for Matt and his fiance and their upcoming adventure-that their boundless energy and competitive nature is captured with just the right flare to take them where they need to go. That David know love-the kind that makes him believe again, a committed, crazy, unconditional love for all that he intends to give a partner himself. For Emily bear-for being as kick ass, unapologetic and successful as she is and for finding me again.

I pray for trailblazing, powerful, beautiful, ground-breaking women who have taught my soul to be soothed sheerly by knowing, learning and being in their company. That owning my power and paving my place in this world isn’t always a neat, clear cut path but rather a miraculous journey. Osi, Sandra, Susie, Noel, Meryl, Katie. For my treehouse family-the most beautiful people I know who give of their love and caring natures to nurture those in the most traumatic times of their lives. You have been a home to me for years and a constant reassurance to believe in the intrinsic good of humankind. Your hearts are tremendous and your commitment relentless-Jean Ann, Rena, Jenna, Lucia, Lisa, Liz. I pray that you know great reward for your kindness to others. I pray for my Dellorso family-that they know the love, humility and strength they have taught me in their everyday lives. That I be a source of hope and security to them as long as they need. I wish for my dad to know his everlasting role in my life beit worldly or not. That just the idea of him being near has kept me afloat many, many times when I’ve felt alone or misunderstood for all I want to see and achieve without hearing the physical sound of his clapping hands and loving encouraging words.

I pray for sunsets in places I’ve never seen. For delicious champagne-whether in the company of others or reveling alone. To be better to myself- mind, body and spirit. To believe in the journey I am about to set off on as the life changing experience it will be. To be a good, loyal, upstanding woman however I can. Never to apologize for giving my heart to something and never to apologize for not. To know more financial comfort. To write, alot-more often and inspired than ever. To make a difference, every single day.

To whoever’s listening, the powers that be, I don’t think it’s much to ask-if you wouldn’t mind this year, I’d ask it all.

“I love you in a million different ways for a million different reasons”

there

go there and keep strength and make no mistake
the courage you’ll summon, the time it may take
to reach where you’re going the trick is to try
not looking forward instead stay inside 
be there in your heart and all that is you
there is nothing real that isn’t true
it cannot be taken nor anything lost
be gracefully certain, be there at the source
surrender your doubts the path will unfold
trust the strength of it’s voice above what your told
go there and have faith go there deep inside
go in and stay there, the truth it resides 

still



we are safe here in the stillness
time eludes us 
we need not make meaning
only to be as we are 
there is warmth in the knowing
nothing real can be destroyed

we are safe here and protected
free and wild
strong and sure
there is no judgment nor fear
hope is wrapped around this moment
because we are 

the heart is light
the spirit calm
this moment full of nothingness
all is here when we are still 

word



word
wərd/
noun
1a single distinct meaningful element of speech or writing 
I’ve come to know that simply put
They are not fun to hear
The words of a beloved thrown at you so clear
They ring inside your body
They echo in your ear
Your mind makes up new meaning
To drown out the fear
Try to listen through them
What’s on the other side
Where is it they come from
What is there they hide
When you choose your loved ones
Can you believe their word
Was it what you thought it meant or was it what you heard?

Here are words
Grouped because together they make sense to my heart…

2
Go.
Be it.
Me, we, us.
Do to me as.
3
If we go, to us it is. 
You are now.
Lie, cry, try.
Why not
4
Play fair.
Love then hope.
Look into eyes.
Stay here.
Feel fear.
Wish mine away.
Calm.
Mean then wait.
Give, take, care, rest.
5
Become beauty.
Speak truth.
Trust heart.
Touch there.
Faith takes power.
Adore those right.
Commit.
7
Respect honesty.
Believe silence.
9
Recognize character.
Understand the power of words-those spoken and shown, given and taken, even in passing.
Their power over others may exceed your comprehension.
Heed your audience, their depth and the regard to which they hold their own word.
Be kind. You are better than you can imagine.
Even if words fail you, let them somehow know.



bitch

Being enough in someone else’s eyes is a bitch of a feat. The longing itself is a pure, raw desire. We abandon good judgment for it. At times it makes us rationalize the unfathomable and justify behaviors we would chastise others for. To say it is blind is truly an understatement. It is all consuming and sacrificing to bare one’s soul for another’s satisfaction. It is the ultimate test of faith. 

I belong to a frightening generation. One who focuses it’s connection and validity with constant and overwhelming comparisons. Lives and relationships are considered “real” by the exploitation of private moments for others enjoyment. I am surrounded by statistics of failure and I know the pain of its wrath. I speak this without concern of offense because it is plain truth. I have witnessed and lived it myself time and again and frankly am tired of pretending it isn’t a serious problem. I speak for both, I speak for many, I am not just me, I am those who have shared and bared their souls to these truths.

Our ego is a force to be reckoned with. He makes decisions for us where our conscious, sound minds would threaten him not to. He swells with pride when selecting objects of affection and hopes for the best. The trouble with his version of hope is that it isn’t rooted in reality. It isn’t founded or based on fact. It isn’t sensitive to our heart’s desire and right to meet one of the same. One who will take care not to diminish it’s power.

I mean not to say hearts will do no work in a healthy relationship. I don’t claim that we be alike in all ways but I warn that we share values, deeply rooted ones. I warn that we share a mutual want to support the other with strong conviction. I know we should build strength where the other may be weak and give of our affections effortlessly. We should empower, impassion and evoke emotions. We should aspire to euphoric states. We should find pleasure in the plainest of settings, simply by being a we there in that moment.

To be challenged is brilliant. To be on your toes, to make the effort where it is due. To exist solely in challenge is foolery. There are times we fight a tiresome fight with our pride not to “lose”. But when it seems that love has slipped right through our hands without our conscious consent, whether or not we are willing to admit-it has already gone. It has chosen another destiny and we ought to wish it well. It isn’t meant us. It is then the heart suffers along with the ego, but with very different pains. 

I ask us to become much more aware of character flaws versus behaviors. We cannot change who they are-they may change what they do. An unfaithful partner can shatter your world to pieces while a messy partner may only leave “pieces” around. A selfish partner is no comparison to one who knows how to make himself happy, alone. Some people are who they are because of their choosing.  Others have a natural inclination to or came to learn a behavior as acceptable. We love them in spite of their quirks, because their quirks make them them. Love should only be unconditional when the conditions are based only in love. Our souls and sanity should never be threatened simply to remain.    

Choose with your mind’s heart and your heart’s mind. You need not involve your ego this time nor your pride. Look for the one who can’t get enough of you. It is that one who will stop looking because you are more than enough. 

It is a bitch of a feat-to be enough in someone else’s eyes.  
When those eyes have left yours in gaze…be not afraid-I can promise you this, that karma she really is a bitch too. 

break

I want to break the silence and hope in doing so you get the break you’ve been waiting for. It seems you’re so deserving.  In this world we live in, in this race to somewhere, to impress the some “ones” we barely know or don’t. In the expectations, the apologies for shortcomings, internally and otherwise-in the constant stage light we place ourselves in or the impossible standards to which we hold one another.

This may sound counterintuitive but I want you to break. I hope you shatter yourself into fractions of pieces. If not self inflicted I hope you’re forced off a ledge to land anywhere but from whence you came or know. I hope you fall hard and fast and get hurt. I hope you experience pain like you’ve never had before. Once you’ve felt the cold, hard, pitiful bottom you still have to open your eyes before you can do anything else. The only way you should be seeing this world is with eyes wide, wide open. The only eyes you should look into, are ones that tell the truth. 

I don’t have to look far or for long to find broken souls. There are a lot of people I know who hide them or bare them completely-whether or not they’d admit to it, in one way or another. Then again, don’t we all at some place or point in our lives. Maybe some of us just find a crack large enough to let a light in…to legitimize life outside of our own personal disaster. In other cases it is a forceful arm that yanked us up when we hadn’t any strength left. Believe it or not, like it or don’t, it’s those kind of break throughs that we’re made for. Actually physically built to unfortunately meet and endure with suits of armor we learn to carefully put on for battle.

I want to break barriers for this conversation to happen. For people to believe they, just by the divine right of existing on this planet are worthy, of ALL sorts of love, luxury and abundance. I want to break the cycle of a generation consumed with facades and presence to virtual communities, a cycle of misrepresentations, assumptions and the consequences that come with it. I’ll pray you break them with me.

I hope you break your walls-even if you start by chipping. I hope you break the walls you built when you believed in someone who had a break from reality. The one who chose to break their word and purposely deceive you rather than being brave enough to break away. The one who wasn’t fair enough to break things up before they forced you off that ledge blindly-without knowing your world was about to disappear from underneath your own two feet. I hope you break down because of it. Because once you break down, you have to eventually get up.

If you ever break promises I hope they are the false ones you were lead to by other people, for reasons unbeknownst to you. They don’t belong lying around for trickery or pain, distorting your mind and perception of yourself and perhaps the other beautiful people that do exist.

I hope after you’ve been forced into unforeseeable pain you choose to surround yourself with just enough comfort to get you by before hurdling yourself into bravery. I hope from there you only break for the better- breaking fear and records. The kind that resonate within your soul, at the back of your mind and seem the most unattainable part of your wildest dreams. I hope you shatter them with will and pick up the pieces with a loving, prideful glow. Even when someone else was the reason you broke I hope you find the gratitude in it. I hope that breakthrough comes exactly as and when you need it to. Not too soon and not too late. Frankly, it’s just not up to you. I hope it happens when you least expect it to, when you feel completely raw and frozen in time waiting for something else to go wrong. I hope it’s then that you’re shaken into existence again, to breathe in the air of the truth. To believe in a person or a thing that will help put you back together. You’re not being fixed-your fixing your life exactly as you’d like to see it happen next.

Sometimes silence is good. In other cases we allow too much of it and so forth doubts are born, lies are invented and our hearts are convinced of the worst. Sometimes they’re right. But when the silence is for good, for sincere, genuine reflection it speaks volumes.  May you never settle for anything less than what you so truly, wholly deserve for your happiness. If you ever find yourself wondering if your headed down the right path, I hope the clouds part to shed the light you need. I hope you are given power to use the voice within you that’s begging for this break.

awaken



you have a choice every single waking minute
from the second you open your eyes you decide how to first use your mind
where to place your thoughts
ask yourself why.
you have power in every single choice you make 
you are a force to be reckoned with and an entire field of worthy energy
you can choose to keep your power or allow them to have it-by sheer thought
you have the gift of free will
at any moment’s notice you are entitled to change the course of your life
by the stroke of a button, a pen, the skin
let no one judge what it is you truly want in your own quiet discretion
be no one’s fool, avoid drudgery obligation and sacrifice for the sake of others
you have the gift to use your words
to influence or surrender to soothe or rattle to empower or chastise to forgive or punish
use them wisely
you have a choice every single waking minute
I hope when you wake today, today you awaken to this

(k)new

This holiday season, although it tickled my fancy, has presented my intuition with a juxtaposition of sorts. I’ve watched newsfeeds and tweets pour in, texts from loved ones and even those estranged echoing similar sentiments of new hope, seemingly good intentions and brighter outlooks. They speak of renewed spirits, firm convictions for self improvement and promises to make amends for where their word fell short the year before. They vouch for new attitudes and commit to plans and regimens galore. They seem bright eyed and bushy tailed for a new year with a fresh perspective and a supposed clean slate. As much as my sunshine clad heart wants to believe “finally they get it” I’m just not convinced yet. Even still my spirit wants to be in support.

I was once taught in school to be an informed skeptic. Leave enough room to be convinced.
The notion of starting over because the calendar turned seems an exciting one. It’s not as though you’re being forced into change but rather allowed to try again if you so choose. Maybe there’s a little bit more incentive because it seems this time of year everyone’s watching. We’ve just left the merriment of gift giving and heading home to spend quality time with loved ones. We made fires, swapped stories, shared drinks, caught up on lost time. That will leave most feeling warm and tingly..enough to try and head into the new year on the right foot. So what is it that leads to so much fall out, so very quickly? Why is it that the same conviction and fervor people have on December 31st and January 1 is so instantly rattled and steadily drained?

Contrary to popular belief new doesn’t necessarily mean easy.

Real change takes work. Results take time. Growth requires patience, commitment and sacrifice. These things happen slowly and carefully if tended to properly. They require pats on the back for encouragement and bandaids for temporary cuts and bruises. The right kind of change should seek strength from the will and not bother so much with the ego. In creating a new relationship or wanting to renew an existing one both parties should meet with hope instead of fear and trust instead of doubt. They should share gratitude toward one another because gratitude echoes loudly in the heart. 

Instead of measuring success and progress with numbers, scales and bank accounts check in with your gut and that grin across your face. That intrinsic voice that’s proud of you-that’s the greatest success you can possibly fathom.  Measure yours by the fire in your belly and the sheer excitement you feel for the unknown because in letting go of past fears you create powerful vibrations to come what may

And maybe out with the old and in with the new can simply be your mindset. Don’t rid yourself of all the past-it holds value and truth and could just need resurfacing. Dig deep.Your new may just mean shining light on the old for proper adjustment. 

Happy New Year to you. You beautifully talented gorgeous person. I wish you everything that makes your heart race, your mind tinkers with and your spirit longs for. 

I know you can do it. Chances are so do you, way down inside there you already (k)new  😉

five



Everything you need to know about making a relationship work you learned in kindergarten. A lot has happened since you were five but I promise the foundation laid is solid enough to lean on.

Tell the truth-get honest with yourself. If you learn nothing else from loving and losing relationships get really honest about what you want, what you can deal with and what you really can’t stand. In spending time with different people we wish we could take tidbits from each and piece them all together-like a little potato head masterpiece.

I want an honest man, who’s honestly crazy about me…in all my imperfections. Who’s still crazy about me in 2 months, 2 years and how ever much further down the line we’re blessed to share. A man who gets it and matches my passion. I don’t mean crazy over the top romantic notions-just someone who smiles at me while he tries to figure out all the beautiful little quirks and gets excited about making me happy. The one who calls or texts me to share something he knows I’ll appreciate. I want someone delicious-to share things with. I say delicious because for me it’s the perfect word to embody him. Handsome enough to make me blush, warm and slightly gooey on the inside. Delicious because he’s a sweet spot for me and because it tastes good to smooch him.

Be honest and tell the truth-to yourself and to your person. Lies just never do anybody any good.


Be nice  Don’t go around pulling hair (or maybe do but only when you’re asked lol) Be as nice as you possibly can-to people who deserve your niceness. Then just be cordial if necessary because mean isn’t cute. Mean is just proof your not dealing with something and it’s really not my fault. And then there are people who are just bastards, and well nobody likes them. Be nice because it’s actually pretty simple. 

Share  You had to learn to share. You didn’t automatically know how or like it. Your things were yours and you protected them because they made you happy. Eventually you realized your playmate might be able to bring something to the table and their toys were kinda cool too. It takes some practice & there’s pride involved-there’s some revealing to do in baring what is yours and what you like without receiving judgment. You learned through show and tell. “This is my thing, it matters to me because….I brought it here to show you hoping you might see something similar or at least respect me enough not to make fun.” Isn’t it the same now? 

Sharing takes trust. You share your inner “stuff”, your outward things, your space and your time. Hopefully you find enjoyment in shared interests or learn to like some new ones. If you just don’t like sharing your things well then you might be out of luck because it’s part of the deal. Or maybe you can just find someone that doesn’t like your favorite cookies so you can keep them for yourself. Seriously though, share. Share what really pisses you off. Share what scares you. Share what you need help with. Show and tell is for grown ups too. 

Pay attention Probably the greatest lesson when learning to learn is that you have to focus to really get it. God knows there are many distractions…the kid picking his nose one row over, the little blond up front with her shiny pink leggings and the snack you can’t stop drooling about- the one your mom packed for you. You sit in your little desk and count down the minutes until lunch and recess. Meanwhile we all loved that hour because it satisfied our most primal instincts. Eat, breathe (fresh air) and play. And by play I mean chase after the boy or girl we liked on the playground. 

When you get in front of someone you want to learn about-you have to pay attention. Details matter, a LOT especially when you’re dealing with humans. We speak what we believe to be true based on our experiences and talk about the things we like and want. Our faces change, our bodies elicit a different energy.  We make wish and bucket lists because we might be too afraid or humble to ask for what we really want. We haven’t found a way to get them or there yet. We secretly hope someone awesome will find a way to help us make them happen. If I bring up sunflowers somewhere in a conversation it’s because they make me happy. They sell them at A & P for $6.99 and they’re really worth the investment. 

If you’re actually paying attention you learn a lot. When you show someone what you’ve come to know-it lasts. It gets really deep down under their skin. Just like everything you’ve learned, their happy things stay tucked back in some orifice of your brain. Sometimes as you progress in a relationship you’ll have to go back and dig them out to remind someone how much they matter, that you haven’t forgotten how to get to them- even if it was years ago since you first laid eyes on them in the lunch line.

Losing gracefully takes practice. Everybody wants the shiny trophy and bragging rights. We can’t win them all..over. Sometimes all you’re going to get is an A for effort. You give yourself a tiny gold star to maintain your pride. You’re only left with the satisfaction of knowing you put your best foot forward and took a leap of faith letting this person and maybe some of “their people” in. Losing doesn’t make you a loser, it means you were there and you tried. Maybe the conditions weren’t right, maybe somebody just wanted it more. Sometimes the loss is necessary to eventually make you see that maybe you’re not the one who actually lost out.

The basics aren’t hard.

You knew smart when you were five, I bet you’re even wiser now-all you need’s your who so you can practice how 😉


behold

The art of speaking souls, it is not often told
It seems that barely skimming truths 
Is where our comfort lies 

I choose to see much further
And feel more deeply too 
Although it’s not for everyone
I dare to break the rules

Words aren’t always needed
Unspoken there is room
True nature often shows itself
In little things you do 

Your eyes are very telling
There are stories from your past
Your hopes are written there as well
Your fears they shall not last

Peeling back in layers
We use armor to protect 
It may not prove so evident 
Why our souls connect 

I can see the good in you 
I support you on your way 
I have faith we all are here
With something to convey 

Time can lend perspective 
Or steal what once was true
Either way our paths converged 
I’m richer for this too

My depth I cannot compromise
It may sometimes leave me bare
I choose to let my heart be known 
I trust it in your care 

Tread lightly on your journey 
Be careful and take heed 
Knowing others truly 
Isn’t always for your needs 

The art of speaking souls, it is not often told
It only meets those open, those ready to behold